Destination weddings are romantic and exciting. They can also be a money-saving choice. Your chosen destination can be your favorite city, a beautiful French vineyard, a traditional Tuscan village, or a stunning beach in Hawaii.
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It is important to choose a destination with good flight availability so guests can choose the amount of time they take away from their desk.
It is important to be open and honest with everyone about your wedding plans and to clearly understand what elements of your special day you are both responsible for and which ones your guests will need to pay for, so that they know well in advance.
The who-pays-for-what split
| Expense | Couple usually pays | Guest usually pays |
|---|---|---|
| Ceremony venue, officiant, decor, and music | Yes | No |
| Reception food and drinks | Yes | No |
| Couple’s travel and lodging | Yes | No |
| Guest’s flights and lodging | No | Yes |
| Guest passport, visa, and insurance | No | Yes |
| Travel between official hotel and wedding venue | Usually | Only if clearly disclosed |
| Welcome event advertised as hosted | Yes | No |
| Optional excursions | Sometimes | Often |
| Wedding-party attire | Varies | Often |
| Hair and makeup for attendants | Varies | Often |
In a nutshell, your guests will pay for traveling to your wedding destination and their stay there. You will pay for all expenses to do with your wedding event. To avoid any difficulties, it is well worth discussing this with your guests soon after they have received their invitation.
To make things financially easier for them, choose a destination that is easy to reach and has plenty of different flight schedules. Likewise, choose a destination where there are different styles of accommodation, ranging from self-catering budget apartments to luxury hotels.
What you cover
The ceremony, completely
The wedding ceremony
You will be expected to pay for all elements of the wedding ceremony including the venue, wedding officiant, the permit, chair hire and flowers. Some hotels offer complimentary use of their grounds or wedding venue if you have guests staying there.
You will need to provide transport for your guests from their accommodation to the wedding venue. A fun idea is to book a local vintage bus, which will be perfect for some fun photographs too!
You will also host the wedding reception and should pay for everyone's drinks, just as you would at home. If you cannot afford a full bar, a range of local drinks will add character. There is no need for spirits, wines, or beers.
Fruit juices and soft drinks will be much appreciated by your guests.
Photography/Videography
Good research definitely pays off. Visit local photographers/videographers and check out the price of their packages. Check their customer reviews and their creative use of local landmarks, as this will result in some stunning photographs.
Make this a top priority as good photographers quickly get booked up.
Flowers
Visit local florists and choose one that best suits your style and budget. The use of local seasonal flowers will not only make your day extra special, but it will also save you money too. Research popular wedding venues and check what catering they offer and the cost.
Does the venue provide music or entertainment? These add atmosphere and fun too.
Wedding Cake
If your chosen venue for your wedding reception does not offer to make your wedding cake, visit a few different cake shops in the location to see which one can offer you the best deal. Do not be too rigid in your ideas, as it can add character to your reception if you choose a local style wedding cake.
Consider a Wedding Planner
Of course, it is not always easy to plan a destination wedding, especially if the location is a long way from home. If this is the case, it could well be advantageous to hire a Wedding Planner. They will have really good local knowledge and will work with all the key suppliers.
They will be able to help you create your ideal wedding, saving you time, hassle and money along the way.
The reception, including the bar
Getting from the official hotel to the wedding
One hosted welcome event
Can you skip the welcome party?
The welcome party is traditionally for the bridal couple and their families. It usually takes place the evening before the wedding and takes the form of a relaxed meal that the wedding couple funds. If you can afford it, do get all your family and friends together for a couple of hours, as they will all be eager to share their stories from the journey.
Rather than fund a full meal, why not tell everyone well in advance that you are hosting an informal Tacos and margaritas, or a glass of local wine and snacks by the hotel pool instead?
What guests cover, and how to ask them
Your guests need to cover their return flights, accommodation, any passport costs, and travel insurance. They will also be responsible for any childcare and pet care they will need at home. Your guests will also be responsible for all meals away from the wedding event and any excursions, unless you decide to organize a fun excursion for everyone.
It is important to discuss all these elements with everyone as soon as you have invited them, as it gives them the chance to budget. A good way to inform all your guests initially is with a Destination Wedding Information sheet for each of them. This sheet should give background information about your chosen destination, plus a detailed breakdown of all the elements that will be their financial responsibility.
Once they have had a chance to read the sheet, your guests will be able to make an informed decision about whether they will be able to join you for your destination wedding.
If parents are contributing
Many families no longer use the 'old rules' of the bride's family paying for the wedding and the groom's family funding the rehearsal/welcome/dinner. Many parents are happy to contribute to the cost of the wedding day, but be careful that they do not feel that, because they do, they can set the guest list and add too many names!
Room blocks: show the real number
If you are planning a small destination wedding, it could well be advantageous for all your guests to be in the same hotel, as a block booking will mean cheaper room rates, which everyone will welcome.
A block booking can make things easier, but before confirming the booking, it is important to check on minimum and maximum stay requirements, room categories available in the block booking, and what taxes and service charges will be applied. Does the accommodation offer free airport transfers for guests?
It is also important before you book to check what the deposit requirements are and the cancellation terms. In good time, inform all your family and friends wanting to be part of the block booking when the deposit deadline will be.
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Optional events have to feel optional
Your guests will want to make the most of being in your wedding destination, and either side of your wedding day they could well be keen to try out the spa, watersports, or take an excursion. Make sure you know the prices of all these activities and the contact details of the operator.
Be very clear that these activities are all optional and that your guests must pay for them. If you decide to host and pay for a particular activity or excursion, let your guests know well before they arrive at your destination.
The wedding party needs the numbers before they say yes
It is very important to tell your guests how much the trip for your destination wedding will cost well in advance so that they can decide whether to commit.
It is essential that you tell your chosen bridesmaids what outfits you would like them to wear. In the U.S., it is common practice for bridesmaids and ring bearers to pay for their outfit. If you want to make hair and make-up mandatory, you should pay for these.
If you make them optional, it is a nice gesture for you to share the cost.
If you decide that you would like your bridesmaids and ring bearers to arrive at the destination a few days early, then it is only fair that you offer to cover their additional accommodation charges.
Are gifts expected when guests already spent $2,000?
As your guests will be spending a lot of time and money to be at your destination wedding, it is really important that, from early on, you tell them that "you being with us on our special day is the best gift of all."
It is a good idea to keep a list of gift ideas in the price range of $30-$80 for people who cannot be at your wedding.
If guests decline your invitation and send you a gift, thank them straight away, but it is best not to mention their absence from your wedding in your note.
Plus-ones, partners, and children
When preparing your list of guests for your wedding, make sure that you invite their spouses, fiancés, and long-term partners and do so by name. For single guests, a plus-one is the general policy.
Including children is an important decision you must both make before you write your invitations. If you have chosen an adults-only resort, mention this on the invitation. Some of your friends may decline, as it could be tricky for them to get people to care for their children for a number of days.
Invitations, RSVPs, and the timeline that makes it fair
If you are planning a destination wedding, it makes good sense to create a website for it with all the information. This needs to be in place 9-12 months before your wedding date.
Once you have the website sorted, send Save-the-Date cards. This should be at least nine months in advance and mention the website address on the cards.
Formal invitations are usually sent out three or four months before the date. Request an RSVP before the resort's final deadline, which is usually up to 60 days before the check-in date.
Most of your guests will need time to decide as their jobs and circumstances can change. When someone declines, don't ask any questions, but reassure them that they will be missed. If someone does not respond to your invitation, contact them once for a decision, as sometimes it is hard to get a vacation request approved.
No-shows and late cancellations
Unfortunately, life often gets in the way of even the best plans, and one of your guests needs to cancel. Hopefully they will tell you straight away. The cost of their flights and room is their loss, and they can claim these back through travel insurance.
There should not be a problem if you have made a block booking, as the contract was agreed and in place.
If someone just doesn't show up and there is no explanation, push it to one side and enjoy your destination holiday. There will be a chance to handle the situation once you are back home.
Rehearsal dinner: who has to be there, and who pays
If you are planning on holding a rehearsal dinner, welcome dinner, or welcoming cocktail reception, you are the hosts, and you will foot the bill.
It is best that you keep a rehearsal dinner small, just the necessary people, and then you can host a larger welcome drinks party afterward.
A big "no no" is to invite all your guests for the meal and then give them separate checks for their food. Always make it very clear whether you are funding an event or expecting your guests to…
Vendors, staff, and tipping abroad
Spend a few minutes checking contracts for guidance on meals, transport, rooms, and tips. A photographer, for example, will need a meal and drink if he is spending eight hours at your wedding.
Check the tipping advice for the country you are visiting, as it does vary tremendously. Remember too that a "service charge" on a resort invoice might not reach your waiter or chambermaid. Best to leave each of them a small personal thank you, rather than adding a percentage to your bill.
The failures that get talked about on the flight home
As all your guests head home, there will be plenty of time at the airport and on the flight for them to discuss your destination wedding. It is a sad fact of life that failures rather than successes will be the topic of their conversations!!
The main failure they will mention is lack of information from you and that they were faced with unexpected bills. Both of these comments can be avoided by telling everyone clearly and in great detail all of the costs involved and what aspects you will be funding. The most important point is not to charge your guests for any aspect of your wedding day, including drinks.
Be flexible in your approach and do not expect all your guests to be present when you have a packed itinerary, and do not expect guests to attend and fund an activity.
Above all, do not complain that you have received no wedding gifts. The fact that your guests traveled to your destination wedding and paid for all the expenses of flights and accommodation far outweighs any wedding gift.
Remember, being good hosts is not about paying for everyone, but it is about not giving your guests any nasty surprises.
The simplest fair rule
A destination wedding can be a marvelous experience for everyone involved, but for it to be a success, the 'fair rule' applies. Your guests pay to get to the destination and pay for their accommodation while there, and you both host them on your wedding day. This includes providing transport for them from their hotel to the venue and paying for the celebration meal and drinks.
If you would like to, you can host a welcome party and an excursion during your stay, and you will fund these.
The bottom line is to make it very clear exactly what your guests are required to pay for throughout their stay. Their only surprise should be how good they look in the wedding photographs.
